I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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