So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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