You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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