whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
