Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
