Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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