Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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