I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
