ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
