dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
