soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
