Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
