Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
