I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
