i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
