I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
