Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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