I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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