i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
