I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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