Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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