I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
