i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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