I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
