im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
