just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
