She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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