Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
