Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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