I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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