Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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