dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
