I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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