youre lurking in front of me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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