I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
