dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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