I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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