im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Randomize
