Sry I called you an 8
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
