My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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