where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
