it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
