Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
