none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
