Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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