Someone shit on the floor
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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