I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
