There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
