Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
