So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My vagina is officially offended.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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