just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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