I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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