wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
