Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
