i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
