I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
40s are totally the cure
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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