I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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